Sydney Day 44
Before I start formally writing the events that have happened, I want to reflect on some stuff that has happened. In light of an interesting and perhaps strange scenario involving a girl, a girl I met at the train station very unexpectedly, so delightful and lovely. While she seems lovely and free spirited there is something off about the whole thing. It makes me realize that no matter how someone seems, there can always be another side of them. The last time I saw her about a week ago now day 39. There was no question we were gonna see each other again, well at least it seemed like that at the time. But since then, over text she has not responded to anything I have said, and only asks weird questions. That could be seen as either of 2 things, quite rude, or shes just super self conscious.
While I understand shes a super busy woman, and I dont expect anything from her, some of stuff is very bizarre. It makes me feel knowing I can get exposed to such unique circumstances, as I am not someone that likes to have my head in the sand in any way at all. Let me list some things that may demonstrate this, while on way to my house, she wanted to be reassured that it was not about sex, but when we got there, she was insanely keen for it, this isnt normal, but it was surprising for her innocent personality, considering how self conscious she appeared to be. One thing that raised my attention, is that she asked if I had a girlfriend, whatever, but it almost seemed like she wanted me to have a girlfriend after I reflect on it now. She said she has been in the circumstance where a guy she was presumably with had a girlfriend, and the girl had contacted her, and she made it seem like this happened more than once. At the time I just thought this was a combination of bad luck on her behalf, and self consciousness. But now I think she kind of wanted that to be the case, her soft hearted innocence and playfulness, almost seems to be a cover for something more dark. She asked/said it in a way suggesting that she kind of was fascinated and excited about it, meaning I can only assume something strange is going on. Im not one to judge, perhaps its not really strange, cause on this journey, I have encountered a lot of weird stuff. I have a suspicion it may be something she does for validation, she really liked feeling special, and I can imagine being with a guy whom is unavailable can make you feel really special, someone thats meant to be loyal to someone else that shouldn’t get with you, getting with you can be super validating but for all the wrong superficial reasons.
As I go on about how strange this girl is, it makes me realise how you cant fully know someone, and it just fuly know someone, so much stuff is going on. I really fuels my newfound desire to understand women, as much as I possibly can. None of this is coming from a negative place, sometimes I may feel negative, about stuff but that is normal, and I know its all able to turn into something in the end thats positive overwhelmingly sometimes. Something when I was younger I could not even fathom whatsoever. Now I dont expect to ever see this girl again or hear from her, but I want her to at least give her the chance to know my real story, and know that I want to understand. I understand that its not going as planned because something thats happening with her that I cant know, and thats okay, perhaps she has a really important guy in her life and its cuase of this, I also understand shes really busy so that could be the reason. But also there are some things I do cause im so experienced and conditioned in getting girls, that could of set of red flags for her. And she feels like she cant trust me, she came to her own judgment that I dont sleep around, aka I said I dont have a condom, that could not be any further from the truth. The chances are out of everyone she could of met I am the opposite to that. But I feel like as for all the reasons why that could be bad and horrible, at the same time its actually because I have a big heart, and really would love to find someone super special, and I almost am certain its not her, but you never know. I am on my path, and this is what I have chosen and am sticking too, so you cant fault me for that, and never intended or want to do bad by anyone, infact everyone I come across I want to understand in a different way, improve myself and them bring out the best in both parties.
Im grateful that I met this girl, not because I was able to experience her beautiful body, or get higher my number from another girl, but because she has made me uncomfortable, and girls dont do that much. So it has given the opportunity to look more deeply, and at least try to understand things better in a more meaningful way. Even If I will never find out what actually happened with her, or if we will never understand each other. It puts me on a better path knowing its important in the future.
Lol you softy brad, now onto the actual stuff thats happened since.
Tonight me and frenchie went out to the argyle, tonight I drank more than usual. But I have been wanting to actually get drunk I miss it, but still didnt really get drunk enough, damn its so expensive here in sydney. I was fucking around for a lot of the night. Early on I spoke to a german girl, we played around, and she spilled her drink, but it wasnt my fault. Then demanded I get her a drink, and she was quite aggressive. And in my mind this made her immature, not being able to take responsibility, I would of happily go get her a drink, but since she needed to be aggressive about it shoving me, in my mind she was done and I had no intention on talking to her any more.
There were some girls early on in the night that were super cold, and later on I opened them, was talking to one of them, and she was a lot more open now, I didnt really wanna talk to her though, so I said I needed to pee. But then It hit me, she was so down, maybe I should see If I can pull to the toilet. The thing about this club is the toilets are mixed, girls and guys, so I wanted to see how it would work. Since she was very into me, I just asked wanna come pee with me, and she came… And literally she came into the toilets with me, bahahha first toilet pull in sydney, and it was so easy. After this I kind wanted to ditch her as I wasnt into her, but I felt bad so I kept talking to her. Her friends knew what happened, and they were actually quite retarded, being obnoxious, making her feel bad about it haha. One even asked to suck my off in the toilet, but I must reaffirm, they weren’t attractive, I was just trying it out so I bailed haha.
Later on when the club was closing, when I was about to leave, I saw some girls leaving, and some guys were talking to them. But I guess that guys gave up and they were alone, I was like why not, and went over. 2 swedish and one Brazilian. They were actually pretty keen, and wanted to continue the night, and were keen for an after party, so all I had to do was build some interest, and familiarity make it happen logistically. However, randomly some guy came in, he had super good on point game, with fact that he kinda knew them a bit already. I was doing well, but he just was a little better, combined with him not wanting to share with me, which basically cockblocked me ultimately, well played sir!
